Got Me Thinking

After I started becoming friends with Callie, we started to find out we had a lot in common. This was the first time I was able to actually have a connection with anyone other than my mother and grandmother because I have never actually take the time to talk to someone and find out what our commonalities were. I’m sure you are thinking, that I’m such a loner, it does not sound like I do much from the perspective of this blog so far, how could I have something in common with anyone? Well, Callie and I initially bonded off of being social outcasts. We talked about our lives up until that point, how few people we could refer to as friends we could name, and what we were doing with our time while we were not out hanging with our friends. For me, I told her about I would spend a lot of time thinking introspectively, and extrospectively. I would analyze other people, what made them go, what everyone else was thinking, what were everyone’s plans, what did everyone think was going on just outside of where thy were. I also spent a lot of time reading. Books, articles, newspapers, and especially, my favorite of all places, the internet.

Back when I was in my teenage years, the internet was nowhere near to where it is now. Most of my interaction with the internet was reading things posted by other people, and discussing topics of interest with other people in online chat rooms. I would join a couple of online chat rooms where I was completely anonymous. I’m sure many of the people there were like me. Not good with eye contact, couldn’t uphold a conversation with a total stranger without a meltdown. But here, on the internet, nobody knows who we truly are. Nobody has to figure out what we are all about, what I’m all about. I could create total personas for myself without a care in the world with finding out about whether or not I was being completely honest with someone or not. I asked Callie about herself. She said she was somewhat the same, but she was particularly concerned with the way the world was heading. She said when she was in the seventh grade, she discovered a lot of stuff about the world that she wished she could have just remained ignorant to like the rest of us. She was worried about the political and social stranglehold big money had on politics and the economy and well being of people as a whole. She had done a lot of research into the wars of humanity’s existence, and it really bothered her and affected her. She was ashamed to be living in this country where wars were done purely for making profits, and to distract people from the real shit going on behind the scenes. She said her father died taking down South American leaders from their countries and replacing them with chosen “democratic” leaders. She told me that many of the people taken out were people who were trying to change their country for good, and to take a stand against big money affecting their way of life. She said that our leaders did not like that, and felt that these countries were a threat, so our leaders decided to send in black ops personnel to take this guy out. She said her father was stabbed to death by a person who knew what was going on. She barely knew her father (I don’t think she ever actually met him), but once she found out his story, and what he died for, it sent her into a an emotional pitfall, and she tried to kill herself in the 8th grade when she was only thirteen years old. She said she had cut her wrists, and hoped she would bleed out, but said she was bleeding fast enough and she just started stabbing her right arm with her left hand. That was when she cut off her fingers and screamed. At that point, her mother found her in her room, a bloody mess, and called the ambulance where they possibly saved her life. She says everyday she thinks about the major events that transpired in her life and she can’t look people in the eyes anymore. I could relate with her on many of the topics, as I had some knowledge of politics and our overseas affairs, but the dire circumstances it caused this little girl to go through literally made me vomit. It got me thinking about her life, if her father didn’t die because of someone else’s choices, what could have been?

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